Emotional Sabbatical

Haven't written in awhile...and not just here, but at all.

Writing to me is confrontation- confrontation of the complex, the fascinating and the minimal. When I begin, I never know where I'm going, I allow myself to ride the wave of fluidity seeping through, stringing together letters, hoping to find beauty and clarity in the finish.

Recently, I had something happen in my life that used up every ounce of emotional resource I had to offer. The initial numbness, the shock, the physical pain, the confusion and the guilt, the unknown ahead- it overwhelmed me enough on my minute to minute, that the thought of active dissection was quite literally a place my mind was unable to go.

I had a woman once ask me after the tragic passing of her husband, to whom she'd been granted too short a love affair, if I wrote in times of sadness. My instinctive answer- of course, my realization- no, not immediately at least.

She herself being a lover of the written word, had found the thought of mentally tackling so grand a personal loss head-on as a confrontation of too much pain, too much thought, too much energy. The simple act of forward movement stole from her every bit of mental and emotional capacity- there was no time to accessorize and acerbate the pain with adjectives, and certainly no desire.

But as much as this blog is intended to ponder new ideas and attempt their delivery by way of eloquence, it's also, about me- and it just didn't feel right to skip over this emotional crater which uninvitedly shot into my life.

It has now been just over two weeks since the accident which demolished my car and brought me close enough to a flash of what could have been, to know it's nowhere I want to go. In no way a worthy comparison to the cruel pluck of death- what I experienced in a quite literal split second, altered hugely the person I've been actively creating for as far back as I can remember.

I send thanks to the universe for I feel now more in sync with true priorities than I can ever recall. Maybe we do have to do a little breaking down, in order to really understand, appreciate and grow.