Intrinsic Us

It is a challenge every day being away from those who've known me forever, to whom an explanation is unnecessary, an understanding, intrinsic.

I cherish and hold dear many people whom I've encountered throughout the years- some for how they make me feel, others for how I understand I make them feel, and in the lucky circumstance, a few for the unparalleled harmony we create as one.

It is to these people whom I dedicate my thoughts today. To those who've seen me trudge shallow waters and scour mountain tops- remaining loving nevertheless. To those whom my heart flutters in the surreal wake of how deep a mutual appreciation can root itself.

Despite how true the notion of growing increasingly fond of something only when it no longer surrounds us is, remembering and crediting the strength of friendships afar remains a challenge for me. It lies within my nature to perceive actions, reactions and a lack of action personally- and too often, unfairly.

But were it not for those moments of insecurity, those troubled times of doubt and distance between friends, the pride of having defeated the muck would not, and could not, reach its true and full appreciation.

There is something to be said, and unfortunately a lesson one is unable to learn before time permits the lesson be taught, for overcoming the petty, embracing the flaws and laughing whole-heartily at the idiosyncrasies of another- because the reward of such unconditionality, is unwavering and unquestioning.

Maybe others remain unaware of this gift because there seems no adequate form of explanation whilst describing the emotion it evokes. Until you've experienced it, felt loved to the kernel of your being for all of, and only what that kernel has to offer-it will remain an unfortunate mental impossibility.

Heartfelt thanks to those who've allowed me this luxury. I don't have to tell you who you are, and that's the best part.

My Cheerless Sacrifice

Today I'm in a holiday mood. Sitting at work sipping coffee wishing I was warming my toes aside some crackling fire, listening to Perry Como ring throughout crimson & emerald reminders that 'tis in fact THE season.

My whole life I've anticipated the day I can afford to buy the Christmas gifts I envision the people I love glowing over, a true appreciation glistening in their eyes, serving as a reminder holidays are about the ultimate gift, that of the heart.

Nothing can steal a smile like the realization you've chosen right. The idea that you know another so well, you were able to evoke that oh-so-cultivated reactionary mix of both surprise and pleasure, one worthy only of genuinely thoughtful gift-giving. There's no comparison.

Living in the sun, I've objectively sacrificed days spent dedicated to lounging at the cabin, drinking in the season while gulping down Brandy Alexanders amid the fresh scent of pine and sweet sound of familial laughter.

Although I've gained immensely through this sunny sacrifice, today, I don't care. Today I want Christmas, and the kind of Christmas I've come to know.

I want the chill of snow and the comfort of too-tightly wrapped sweaters fighting gallantly to keep out the nip.

I want snowflake mugs full of chocolate- toasty marshmallows floating precariously, all the while awaiting an inevitable doom, an unavoidable fate- the slow melt into a sugary depth.

I want bow bags and big boxes for paper used strictly for sentiment- a waste of resources with an emotional significance so mighty, the mere thought of going without offends even the lowest of holiday spirits.

I want parties and pastries, mistletoe and magic. I want to illuminate little fresh faces with snow-turned pink noses about the adventures of Ruldolph and his (if not slightly judgmental...) furry friends.

So although I do love those loved ones of mine, they might still have to wait a bit for those oh-so-precious presents I've envisioned. Hopefully that will just enhance what I see when I do arrive- a journey, that by evidence of my bank account,
I think I just began.

(144 days to go..hehe)