The problem with thoughtless speaking is that once said, it's said. Others have heard, assumptions made, and our ability to revoke is compromised by our ability to judge instantaneously.
Like most, I can admit to having failed in this regard. The problem is - although we may slip, affront or offend, the responsibility remains intact. We are accountable for our words just as mightily as actions, and allowing the unintentional utterance of a slur, hurtful comment, or inadvertent phrase has potential to evoke severe emotional consequence, circumstance aside.
How far these consequences extend is dependent of course on the phrase or comment itself, to whom it is made and to whose ears it permeates.
There is a factor which remains debatably essential however - intention. How significant a role, if any, does intention play whilst judging the miscommunications of others?
If some, what's to stop us from speaking without concern, provided the apologetic backdoor remains propped, offering to each a simple escape? If none, are we allowed no forgiveness for human error, provided one is passionately apologetic?
A most common example- I have personally chosen to exclude the word 'gay' from my vernacular while not providing specifics of orientation. Years ago, a genuinely mortifying confrontation of my intention sparked a state of shame so profound the suggestion of life beneath a rock seemed too high a luxury, and more-so, by an individual to whom my admiration knew no bounds. It was enough.
That day, I made a vow to which I've effortlessly remained true- to eliminate my personal misuse of the word. The reason for its ease? - the thought of carelessly snubbing an entire sect I firstly had no intention of offending, and secondly, had no greater explanation for than laziness- was a sense of true mortification. How had I allowed myself to carelessly and thoughtlessly offend for so long due simply to a lack of concise word choice?
It never fell from my lips maliciously, yet fallen it had, and onto a page seen by a respected superior. In one careless moment, I felt I'd managed to change the kind-hearted, optimistic opinion of a man I revered into one of dishonor and shame.
What could I possibly do to rectify the error of my ways? I pleaded for forgiveness, begging for his ears, wishfully hoping he'd accept my explanation as penance for the discrimination paralleling no other principle by which I lived. The deed was done he'd said.
The inevitable lesson he later admitted: He'd already forgiven me. He'd understood immediately, but later clarified- forgiveness was not immediate- the instant he'd seen my error, he was hurt, and for no greater reason than my careless phrasing. Was that, he questioned me, something I was willing to accept?
It has been over five years since that day, yet it remains as powerful now as that moment it slammed a knot down my throat, drops to my cheeks and a slug to my gut. The power of this word enlightened another path for me altogether- one where words meant something, where my own seemingly mundane carelessness was revealed to encompass the power to evoke true passion in others, for better or worse.
The kicker- since this day I've heard the word fall more than once from my lips, in your typical caddy, condescending tone. It wasn't ever the word I'd meant to use, I remain to have an explanation for its summance, and am horrified each time I hear my own offensive slip.
Nothing can be fully retracted, once purged, its existence can remain deafening, forgiveness moot, consequence enacted. However, although this is a word I cringe whilst admitting I've quite nearly eliminated, I do believe I've sacrificed a thoughtful second longer for the ability to say I've worked consciously for years to change my ways.
The hard work, the dedication, the ability to say you give your all as often as humanly possible to use caution and concern whilst speaking, is all you can expect of yourself, and of others.
While a genuine apology may never erase the cold reality of a misspoken affront, it can be a convincing tool in attempt to warm the hearts of those willing to hear out your true intention.
If some, what's to stop us from speaking without concern, provided the apologetic backdoor remains propped, offering to each a simple escape? If none, are we allowed no forgiveness for human error, provided one is passionately apologetic?
A most common example- I have personally chosen to exclude the word 'gay' from my vernacular while not providing specifics of orientation. Years ago, a genuinely mortifying confrontation of my intention sparked a state of shame so profound the suggestion of life beneath a rock seemed too high a luxury, and more-so, by an individual to whom my admiration knew no bounds. It was enough.
It never fell from my lips maliciously, yet fallen it had, and onto a page seen by a respected superior. In one careless moment, I felt I'd managed to change the kind-hearted, optimistic opinion of a man I revered into one of dishonor and shame.
What could I possibly do to rectify the error of my ways? I pleaded for forgiveness, begging for his ears, wishfully hoping he'd accept my explanation as penance for the discrimination paralleling no other principle by which I lived. The deed was done he'd said.
The inevitable lesson he later admitted: He'd already forgiven me. He'd understood immediately, but later clarified- forgiveness was not immediate- the instant he'd seen my error, he was hurt, and for no greater reason than my careless phrasing. Was that, he questioned me, something I was willing to accept?
It has been over five years since that day, yet it remains as powerful now as that moment it slammed a knot down my throat, drops to my cheeks and a slug to my gut. The power of this word enlightened another path for me altogether- one where words meant something, where my own seemingly mundane carelessness was revealed to encompass the power to evoke true passion in others, for better or worse.
The kicker- since this day I've heard the word fall more than once from my lips, in your typical caddy, condescending tone. It wasn't ever the word I'd meant to use, I remain to have an explanation for its summance, and am horrified each time I hear my own offensive slip.
Nothing can be fully retracted, once purged, its existence can remain deafening, forgiveness moot, consequence enacted. However, although this is a word I cringe whilst admitting I've quite nearly eliminated, I do believe I've sacrificed a thoughtful second longer for the ability to say I've worked consciously for years to change my ways.
The hard work, the dedication, the ability to say you give your all as often as humanly possible to use caution and concern whilst speaking, is all you can expect of yourself, and of others.
While a genuine apology may never erase the cold reality of a misspoken affront, it can be a convincing tool in attempt to warm the hearts of those willing to hear out your true intention.
I choose to listen.
